All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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