so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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