No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize