How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
