i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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