I accidentally had phone sex last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
