My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
