apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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