Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
