I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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