We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
