It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
