Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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