This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
