I am spending my child support on dildos
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
