What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
