meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
