physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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