i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
