I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
