remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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