That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We talked him into tasing himself.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
His nipple licking is glorious
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