i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think a kid would responsible me up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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