with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
