Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
