new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
