tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
