Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
