i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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