I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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