Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
