she smelled like a LAN party
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
