I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
