There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
