tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
