i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
