You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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