you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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