the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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