I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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