I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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