it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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