Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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