I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
