One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
