I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
