In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
