Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
