if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
