Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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