My liver just broke up with me...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
