It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
