Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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