Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
