Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
3pm strippers are depressing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
