break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
