I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
