We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
