he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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