How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
